He's legit now. 18 tomorrow.
I'm attempting to revive this thing. It's a comforting little outlet to have. I think I only use it for when I have an epiphany or something smacks me in the face I should have understood years ago. That happened this week.
A good friend, Taylor Suppinger, was covering our youth lesson (A. don't draw conslusions and B. ignore the fact I still go to youth class) as our youth leader was away in Alabama fighting fires or doing whatever it is he does. He gave a lesson on love. What it is, what it is not. Simply, he talked about how love was obedience. I think that's a word people try to separate from love. I always think of love as unconditional, not submissive but it's just that. Especially when we are discussing our love for Jesus. As human, I am a failure on my own. I'm inferior and I'm a dark, sinister being. But by being obedient to God, I do what I can to show my love for him. That hit me rather hard. It seems like everytime I'm praying to repent, or for a new slate, it seems like I somehow incorporate the phrase "and I'm sorry for failing but I love you and I'm flawed." While that may be true, I'm severely flawed, that isn't a prayer with meaning. If I loved God half as much as I would like to, I would have such greater discipline and obedience and stop trying to be an idiot. I'm not being a pessimist, it's just the simple truth. I fail, and that's okay. But what's not okay is continued failure. It needs to diminish, and I need to never be complacent with the level of faith I reach with God. I want to go out, still in full force gaining a better understanding of what He is to me. Another point Taylor made focused on how God was probably more annoyed with us than anything. Now I think of him being angry, or disappointed sometimes, but I just have never pictured God being annoyed with me. To God, I resemble a preteen scene girl. And as we all know, that is terribly annoying. Like I'm just sitting there yelling "I LOVE YOU" but all He hears is the banging on a cymbal. An annoying repetition of ignorance. I hope to work on this, and I'm glad it was brought to my attention.
Good day.
Currently Reading: The Catcher in the Rye.
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4 comments:
"to God I resemble a pre teen scene girl"
excellent example Ryne-- I think you're right. Instantly made me think "the enthusiasm is appreciated dear, but you're totally not getting it." Makes me shift in my seat a little uncomfortably because it's closer to the mark than I'd care to admit.
Glad the blog is back.
This makes me think.
And makes me want to read this again...
It's really hard to try to loose my pride. I realize I can not even begin to comprehend Gods love.
I must be annoying to God. I say I've learned my lesson then I commit the same sins over and over!
good metaphor.
it seems to make a lot of sense, and it's very true.
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i hope I can work on that as well.
real christians don't know what scene is.
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